I’m contemplating writing a book with the encouragement of my friend Amanda. (Amanda doesn’t read my blog so I can say whatever I want about her and maybe she’s not that great of a friend after all if she neglects the quality work I’m already doing here.) I of course have contemplated this for some time. I think I could do it and I think I could do it well. It’s a lot of work but what else am I doing these days? I’m sure you all vividly recall the post a little while back about a book I read by a fellow blogger that was nothing more than a bunch of blog posts published as a book. It was pure crap. But if that’s all it takes, I’ve already got my substance right here. I don’t want to be THAT girl though. I want to create something worth reading and not just by my 3 friends and my parents. Correction, my 2 friends because Amanda doesn’t read this.
So in contemplating how to best go about starting this monstrosity I have decided that I need a mini tape recorder. Anyone that knows me knows that my memory is absolute crap. I’ll have a great idea and by the time I get to anywhere to record it, it’s gone from me. So I need a tape recorder. This will also enable me to record various knitting group conversations unbeknown-st to the rest of the group and use that as if it were my own creation! I”m just kidding! I wouldn’t do that! Or would I?
I also need to put together an outline. I know it must involve knitting but I don’t want that to be a main theme, just a background. I’ve also thought about making a list of words that I really like and want to include.
I suppose if I really intended to do this I would have put some effort into it by now. Maybe it’s just fun to talk about! Maybe, when I’m old and have nothing else to talk about and everyone that knows me is in a different nursing home than the one I’m in, I’ll tell all the other old people all about the book I almost wrote that would have made me rich and famous and eccentric rather than just odd. Or maybe, since they’re all old and don’t know any better anyway, I’ll tell them that I actually did write said book and that I AM really famous. Silly old people.
Today at 2:00 P.M. I will have officially been a non-smoker for a whole week!! EEEEEEE!!
I feel compelled to recant my previous complaints about my local coffee shop. I have been coming here regularly (up to 3 times a week) since I have been not working and am finding that the things that used to drive me nuts, no longer bother me. The main reason for my conversion however, is the owner. Last Thursday, I came in with 2 partially filled punch cards and no money. Once you get a punch card full, you get a free coffee. I planned on praying on their generosity and asking if I could combine the two cards for a coffee. The owner happened to be working the counter when I came in and since one of the cards only needed one more punch, he just took that as if it were full and gave me a coffee. “I’ll gladly give you a latte today for money on Tuesday.” I told him I would be more than willing to pay for said coffee the very next day when funds would be replenished and he refused to allow me. Apparently, my loyalty is cheap. As it turns out, I can be bought for the low low price of an iced vanilla mocha.
Some of my other complaints have seemed to disappear as well. I used to be annoyed by some of the employees here but have grown to accept them for their quirks. Saying that I appreciate them or enjoy them would be taking it to far for now. I do wish they had a fire place for the cold days like LatteLand but I can accept a comfy chair in a warm building instead. I am still uncomfortable with some of the groups that frequent this establishment but fortunately, they don’t tend to be here when I am as I have learned when to avoid being here.
http://mocoloco.com/art/archives/newport_knitting_jun_05.jpg. I just found this and it amused me. It has nothing to do with the coffee shop.
It’s been 45 hours since I had a cigarette and I really think I’ve only gotten cranky once!!
So there have been days lately that I have composed in my head various letters to Metallica. The more balanced of you might be asking yourself “why on earth would one do that?”. Several reasons really. Most importantly, I feel that they need to know that there is a wonderful person in Kansas City, Missouri that is a very devoted fan and not even slightly on the crazy side.
I truly believe that they would each enjoy knowing the following:
1. My black cat is named Metallica and is a very genteel female creature. She stays clear of any and all guests and sleeps on the boy’s bed if he’s home and mine if the boy is at his dad’s house. The only person she has ever cared to see is my sister. Years ago when we decided to exercise together every morning, Metallica would come down the stairs and sit there watching the door for April to arrive. Never again has she cared one iota about anyone or anything else besides myself and the boy and even then I’m not entirely sure she really cares.
2. My black lab/mastiff is named James for my number one favorite band member. He thinks he is a tiny little lap puppy rather than the very large bear-like animal that he really is. He loves to bring me his water bowl when it’s empty which is quite funny to see and he thinks the couch is his.
3. The blonde lab was named Lars, may he rest in peace. He left us in a tragic run-in with a car about a year and a half ago. He was a sweet dog that loved to give love nibbles and jump over the fence.
4. The Cairn terrier was named Kirk. When we got him, we tried to decide between two names for him. “Kirk” or “Jason, the one that no one really likes”. I adore Kirk Hammett so the choice was obvious and the band has made naming future pets much easier with the addition of Robert and getting rid of Jason, the one that no one really likes. Try yelling that at a pet. I had to find a new home for Kirk because he was absolutely untrainable. I’m sure there are people out there that could tame him, but they weren’t me. He would bolt out the door and the boy would have to chase him all over the neighborhood. Sorry Mr. Hammett.
5. I dated a man that used to play for me on his Kirk Hammett guitar. In hindsight, this was quite possibly the reason I was with him for so long.
6. I’ve named our house “Hetfield Manor”. I feel that is a tradition that is lost in America and should be re-instated. They used to name all of the big plantations and mansions. Granted, my house is about the size of a nice apartment but I do love it and plan on staying there for the rest of my days so it suited me to name it and nothing else really fit. Really, the place named itself. I had very little to do with it.
7. I own the lyrics book, the music videos DVD, Some Kind of Monster on DVD, S&M on DVD and CD, the book “So What” as well as a couple of other biographies and have at one time owned all of their CDs.
8. I had to buy S&M on CD twice because I listened to my first copy too much.
9. I made out with a complete stranger at the concert a few years ago when James took his shirt off on stage.
10. I didn’t get to go to the concert in 2008 because I didn’t have the money for it which was devastating to me and mine. It was between that and making a mortgage payment and I really think the family would have disowned me had I lost my house for that reason.
11. I also couldn’t afford “Death Magnetic” which was tragic. Everyone that has ever known me thinks of me when they hear Metallica on the radio. I was getting text messages from people I haven’t worked with in years because they’d heard the new material. I felt like the worst fan in the world. The boy, being the amazing and wonderful person that he is, got it for me for Christmas and we are both listening to it frequently.
12. The boy made fun of me in his earlier years and would sigh at me when I made him listen to whatever album I was currently memorizing. He is now a convert to the ways of the wise and wants to be Lars.
13. I think Lars did the right thing with Napster and I completely support him. I’m even more annoyed with reporters that ask him if he regrets what he did.
There are many more things that can and will be added to this list. I must save some for another time. A time at which I hope to include pictures of their namesakes!
I don’t know how many times I have attempted to quit smoking. I lost count a couple of years ago. In fact, I got so bad at quitting, that those around me now make fun of me for even trying. But still I persist! That’s the Tams spirit!
This time around, I’ve been trying since last Thursday or Friday. I can’t remember. I did OK for a couple of days but smoked over the weekend and on Monday of this week. Yesterday I finished the pack I had around 2 in the afternoon and have had the patch on ever since. It was not as easy last night as it has been in the past. In fact, it’s quite a good thing that I have no money for frivolities these days or I probably would have gone out and bought a pack. The lack of money is a HUGE motivator! The patch has worked quite well for me in the past. I have (about 5 years ago) gone about 2 months without smoking with the use of just the patch. What seems to always get me is going out for drinks. I can go for a while with no smoking but when I get a couple of cocktails in me, I decide I want to smoke. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a failure on the part of the manufacturers of the patch, whomever they may be. At these times that I am out having a couple of cocktails, I tend to force myself to smoke. The first one isn’t entirely enjoyable but once I get past it, I’m golden. Why do I do this? I cannot know.
I am frighteningly low on patches right now though. This will present a problem for me in about 4 days. The ones I have are left-overs from some other attemt at quitting and are expired. They expired last October but oddly enough have been working just fine with the exception that they tend to not want to stick for extended periods of time. In 4 days time, I will have to cave-in and fork over the money for some new ones which will be one of those things one does with a bad attitude knowing that it is ultimately a good decision. Who hasn’t had that I ask you!
I am eager to get the house smelling lovely and un-smokerly. All I’ll need to do now is rid myself of the big hairy dog and the boy and I will have a clean and aromatic environment with which to live!! The downsides to this? I can already feel myself gaining weight. My jeans are excessively tight today and I blame the lack of smoking rather than the large and unhealthy meals I’ve consumed over the past few days. I MUST find a way to work some exercise into every day. Having no job right now, it is excessively easy to sit around all day reading or knitting and neglecting the need to get blood flowing. One of my favorite all time quotes from a book was from “Fearless Fourteen” and it is from the character Lulu. She says something to the degree of: she needs to get some doughnuts on account of all the running around they’d been doing. She needs to keep her blood sugar up or she’ll get dizzy spells. I love her. That would have been much better if I could have remembered the exact quote. I don’t feel I’ve done it justice and I don’t have the book with me right now or I would have looked it up. Whatever.
I have also as of late, been keeping my attempts at quitting to myself. Not because I am fearful of being made fun of, this is my life, I’m used to it. I guess it is because I feel like I’ll be more successful this way. That shouldn’t make sense but it really does. I mean, the people in my life that care the most about my quitting and love me the most, are so exhausted with my multiple attempts that they don’t really believe me I think. I want to prove myself a success at this before I make any announcements. And since I don’t blog much anymore, no one reads this anymore so I don’t think they’ll know!
Hopefully soon I’ll be able to post again with an update at how I’m doing and it will be a positive one.
There is a coffee shop by my house that I frequent. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this place before but I have VERY mixed feelings about this establishment. Let me list out the pros and cons for you:
Pros
1. It is within walking distance of my house so I can get some good exercise when the weather is agreeable.
2. It is cheaper than the other places (LatteLand and Starbucks)
3. There is a very attractive man that also frequents this place (I’m old fashioned so I have not approached him yet. Hopefully soon he’ll have a desire to talk to me!)
Cons
1. Most of the people that work here annoy me
2. The coffee doesn’t taste as good as at the other places (LatteLand and Starbucks)
3. It used to be called A Cup Above and I LOVED the gals that ran the place
4. The music they play here frequently makes me want to slap someone
5. There are children that come in here
So the point of my story? I keep coming here just on the off chance that the hot guy will one day want to marry me.
It’s a Wednesday in early December and I sit here after having spent quality time on the hunt for the perfect job waiting for the snow to start. This year, I am determined to have a white Christmas. It just always makes the day so much more special. Not that anything could keep it from being an important day, snow just makes it that much better. I’m told the weather today will allow for snow but there are no guarantees that we’ll be getting any. I say BRING IT ON! This is my favorite time of year. Not because of the holidays though they are a wonderful time filled with family, good foods and presents but because of the weather. Even though the heat is on me right now to acquire a position that pays, I am still blissfully happy with life as it is. I have an amazing family, I have great friends and it’s going to snow today!!!!!
Last week we celebrated Thanksgiving. This year, the boy wasn’t able to make it as it was his week with his father but Mom and Dad allowed us to invite an outsider to our humble little meal and thus Katie was inducted into the family. She has been welcomed into the fold with open arms such that I have not seen given to anyone else that isn’t blood related and I couldn’t be happier. Obviously, I wish the perfect man was in my life and attending family events with me but that being not the case at this time, I much prefer that it be Katie that is brought into the fold. We all went around the table saying what we were thankful for, Bill made funnies, Mom had pies ready, there was some napping and some reminiscing about family traditions and holidays. Overall it was a wonderful day.
OMG!!! I see that it is in fact snowing now!!! I must wrap things up here so I can go home and snuggle in with my jammies, blankets, James puppy, my knitting and season 3 of ‘24′.
I find myself introspective this morning. I think this time of year does that to me. It’s a combination of the weather, the impending festivites and the lack thereof. On the one hand, this is the most active time of year for me because I’m no longer forced to stay inside to avoid the heat and the sun. On the other, I absolutely adore spending time with my family, my immediate family that is. It’s a healing time for me. I can complain about all of the petty problems that make me miserable and they will listen, advise, make me laugh about how rediculous and unreasonable I am being and genrally make everything better. The problem however is that they all desire to spend time with the extended family and I do not. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all for who they are, I just haven’t for years been comfortable around them and so I tend to spend the majority of the holiday curled up at home doing my own thing. This year though, I’ve been spending quality time doing my own thing for the past week and am greatly looking forward to this being the year that I get to spend the majority of the Thanksgiving day with my immediate family. Apparently, we decided that every other year on Thanksgiving, we were going to have an intimate family dinner with just the six of us. I don’t remember that but that’s not important. This year the boy will be with his fathers side of the family which will be weird for us. I’ve been assigned green bean casserole as my dish to bring and I couldn’t be happier about that. Not only do I love it, it’s got about 3 ingredients and is easier to make than just about anything else. Dump it all in one pan, swish around, cook and serve!
Lately, with the free time I’ve so recently acquired, I’ve been experimenting more with cooking. I’ve never really been much of a cook. But having spent some time watching Friends again (Yes, I have all 10 seasons and yes, the boy and I have watched them all sequentially a number of times. This time I’m up to season 8, Rachel’s about to have the baby, I wonder what will happen!) coupled with the desire to spend $0 I have been looking to the cabinets and fridge for sustenance. I attempted lasagna but couldn’t remember what Mom had instructed me and ended up making something rather bland and not NEAR as good as hers. That’s OK, I’m going to attempt it again this weekend. I’m also a fan of taco night. All I have to do is cook the meat and cut up a bunch of veggies!! HOW MUCH EASIER CAN IT BE?!!
I digress…so much so that I’m not even entirely sure where I was going when I started this blog. Oh well, whatever.
I sit here feeling ever so slightly hung over, and I can’t help but people watch and then proceed to judge. Sitting at the table right behind my BFF Katie, are two lesbians. I don’t even have to ask them, I can tell. They’ve got the hair, the topic of conversation is softball and there’s the vibe. You know the vibe, the one that makes a pretty little thing like me feel like they might try to recruit me at any moment. (I think I just threw up a little.) Then behind them, there are another couple of ladies that ordinarily wouldn’t have caught my eye except for one of them didn’t bother to change out of her mumu before trotting off to get coffee. Now I can’t really judge, I didn’t exactly bother to spruce myself up before trotting up here myself, but I’ll be damned if you’ll ever find me out and about in a mumu. Word.
Behind the counter are two gals that seem OK. The one seems really nice and just quiet but the other one has a voice that really annoys me and she wasn’t all that polite to me when I was ordering my drink and getting a muffin for the boy. Whatever. I hate this place. I don’t know why I ever come here. The help sucks, the music makes me want to hit someone, and they are slower than the line at the DMV.
So last night I had my girls meet me out for a few drinks and some dinner. Hence the ever so slight hang over. They came out to support me because I was in the process of being “let go” by my then boyfriend Steve. I needed to get out of the house and get it off my mind and they did the trick. There were tears at the table but it was quickly smoothed over by my girls and their abilities to show me the positive side. Like maybe I could use his pajamas to help start a fire in my fire place. I do love fires and I frequently have a difficult time getting them going. The boy and I have been using a book that I couldn’t finish. This book was so bad that I refused to even give it away so we use it to fan the flames and get the fire going. Now I seem to have one more thing to assist us with that! My other option was to DHL them back to him but they didn’t like that idea. So here I sit, single again, a little hung over, worried that the knitting party I have planned for today will be a flop and wondering where this crazy day will take me. We shall see!
My Mom and Dad are doing a Bible study together right now and they were both working on it when the boy and I landed at their house for a free dinner. Mom was making taco salad yo! Anyway, they study they were doing was about Jacob and Esau. These two were twins. Esau was born first and came out all red and hairy so they named him Esau which means literally (I’m told) “red and hairy”. Jacob came out second and he was holding on to Esau’s heel so they named him Jacob which means deceiver or more literally, one who holds the heel or something very close to that. I don’t claim to know all about names and their origins and meanings. Just try to keep up with me here.
The point of the study was that they parents of these two boys named the first one by what he looked like, and the second one by how he behaved. The author then asked that the reader think back on any two siblings that they had known since birth and try to name them with these same methods. My Dad of course thought of my sister and myself. She being the eldest, she should be named by her looks. He asked me to try this practice before he would tell me what he came up with so my first response was: #1 - Ugly Baby and #2 - Perfection! They didn’t really think that was as funny as I did but whatever. I don’t even remember what my second attempt was. After much consideration and pondering, my Dad came up with “Serenity” for my sister because she looks so serene and “Kitty” for me. Apparently I behave like a kitten. If you’ll recall, the last time my Father donned me with a name it was “The Spicy One”. I’m starting to see a trend. Independent, sure. Sometimes. Let’s you know when I’m ready for attention, well yeah. Who doesn’t? Naps a lot. PAH!! That’s ALL I’d do if I had my druthers. I’m clean, that’s for sure.
The moral of the story is, my sister is the good daughter with a well balanced life (husband, home, dogs, job - she’s the happy one, makes friends easily, can cook and basically has it all) but I get the good names.
