Tamssmat

So there have been days lately that I have composed in my head various letters to Metallica.  The more balanced of you might be asking yourself “why on earth would one do that?”.  Several reasons really.  Most importantly, I feel that they need to know that there is a wonderful person in Kansas City, Missouri that is a very devoted fan and not even slightly on the crazy side.

I truly believe that they would each enjoy knowing the following:

1. My black cat is named Metallica and is a very genteel female creature.  She stays clear of any and all guests and sleeps on the boy’s bed if he’s home and mine if the boy is at his dad’s house.  The only person she has ever cared to see is my sister.  Years ago when we decided to exercise together every  morning, Metallica would come down the stairs and sit there watching the door for April to arrive.  Never again has she cared one iota about anyone or anything else besides myself and the boy and even then I’m not entirely sure she really cares.
2. My black lab/mastiff is named James for my number one favorite band member.  He thinks he is a tiny little lap puppy rather than the very large bear-like animal that he really is.  He loves to bring me his water bowl when it’s empty which is quite funny to see and he thinks the couch is his.
3. The blonde lab was named Lars, may he rest in peace.  He left us in a tragic run-in with a car about a year and a half ago.  He was a sweet dog that loved to give love nibbles and jump over the fence.
4. The Cairn terrier was named Kirk.  When we got him, we tried to decide between two names for him.  “Kirk” or “Jason, the one that no one really likes”.  I adore Kirk Hammett so the choice was obvious and the band has made naming future pets much easier with the addition of Robert and getting rid of Jason, the one that no one really likes.  Try yelling that at a pet.  I had to find a new home for Kirk because he was absolutely untrainable.  I’m sure there are people out there that could tame him, but they weren’t me.  He would bolt out the door and the boy would have to chase him all over the neighborhood.  Sorry Mr. Hammett.
5. I dated a man that used to play for me on his Kirk Hammett guitar.  In hindsight, this was quite possibly the reason I was with him for so long.
6. I’ve named our house “Hetfield Manor”.  I feel that is a tradition that is lost in America and should be re-instated.  They used to name all of the big plantations and mansions.  Granted, my house is about the size of a nice apartment but I do love it and plan on staying there for the rest of my days so it suited me to name it and nothing else really fit.  Really, the place named itself.  I had very little to do with it.
7. I own the lyrics book, the music videos DVD, Some Kind of Monster on DVD, S&M on DVD and CD, the book “So What” as well as a couple of other biographies and have at one time owned all of their CDs.
8.  I had to buy S&M on CD twice because I listened to my first copy too much.
9. I made out with a complete stranger at the concert a few years ago when James took his shirt off on stage. 
10. I didn’t get to go to the concert in 2008 because I didn’t have the money for it which was devastating to me and mine.  It was between that and making a mortgage payment and I really think the family would have disowned me had I lost my house for that reason.
11. I also couldn’t afford “Death Magnetic” which was tragic.  Everyone that has ever known me thinks of me when they hear Metallica on the radio.  I was getting text messages from people I haven’t worked with in years because they’d heard the new material.  I felt like the worst fan in the world.  The boy, being the amazing and wonderful person that he is, got it for me for Christmas and we are both listening to it frequently.
12. The boy made fun of me in his earlier years and would sigh at me when I made him listen to whatever album I was currently memorizing.  He is now a convert to the ways of the wise and wants to be Lars.
13. I think Lars did the right thing with Napster and I completely support him.  I’m even more annoyed with reporters that ask him if he regrets what he did.

There are many  more things that can and will be added to this list.  I must save some for another time.  A time at which I hope to include pictures of their namesakes!

I don’t know how many times I have attempted to quit smoking.  I lost count a couple of years ago.  In fact, I got so bad at quitting, that those around me now make fun of me for even trying.  But still I persist!  That’s the Tams spirit! 

This time around, I’ve been trying since last Thursday or Friday.  I can’t remember.  I did OK for a couple of days but smoked over the weekend and on Monday of this week.  Yesterday I finished the pack I had around 2 in the afternoon and have had the patch on ever since.  It was not as easy last night as it has been in the past.  In fact, it’s quite a good thing that I have no money for frivolities these days or I probably would have gone out and bought a pack.  The lack of money is a HUGE motivator!  The patch has worked quite well for me in the past.  I have (about 5 years ago) gone about 2 months without smoking with the use of just the patch.  What seems to always get me is going out for drinks.  I can go for a while with no smoking but when I get a couple of cocktails in me, I decide I want to smoke.  Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a failure on the part of the manufacturers of the patch, whomever they may be.  At these times that I am out having a couple of cocktails, I tend to force myself to smoke.  The first one isn’t entirely enjoyable but once I get past it, I’m golden.  Why do I do this?  I cannot know. 

I am frighteningly low on patches right now though.  This will present a problem for me in about 4 days.  The ones I have are left-overs from some other attemt at quitting and are expired.  They expired last October but oddly enough have been working just fine with the exception that they tend to not want to stick for extended periods of time.  In 4 days time, I will have to cave-in and fork over the  money for some new ones which will be one of those things one does with a bad attitude knowing that it is ultimately a good decision.  Who hasn’t had that I ask you! 

I am eager to get the house smelling lovely and un-smokerly.  All I’ll need to do now is rid myself of the big hairy dog and the boy and I will have a clean and aromatic environment with which to live!!  The downsides to this?  I can already feel myself gaining weight.  My jeans are excessively tight today and I blame the lack of smoking rather than the large and unhealthy meals I’ve consumed over the past few days.  I MUST find a way to work some exercise into every day.  Having no job right now, it is excessively easy to sit around all day reading or knitting and neglecting the need to get blood flowing.  One of my favorite all time quotes from a book was from “Fearless Fourteen” and it is from the character Lulu.  She says something to the degree of: she needs to get some doughnuts on account of all the running around they’d been doing.  She needs to keep her blood sugar up or she’ll get dizzy spells.  I love her.  That would have been much better if I could have remembered the exact quote.  I don’t feel I’ve done it justice and I don’t have the book with me right now or I would have looked it up.  Whatever.

I have also as of late, been keeping my attempts at quitting to myself.  Not because I am fearful of being made fun of, this is my life, I’m used to it.  I guess it is because I feel like I’ll be more successful this way.  That shouldn’t make sense but it really does.  I mean, the people in my life that care the most about my quitting and love me the most, are so exhausted with my multiple attempts that they don’t really believe me I think.  I want to prove myself a success at this before I make any announcements.  And since I don’t blog much anymore, no one reads this anymore so I don’t think they’ll know!

Hopefully soon I’ll be able to post again with an update at how I’m doing and it will be a positive one.