Tamssmat

I don’t know how many times I have attempted to quit smoking.  I lost count a couple of years ago.  In fact, I got so bad at quitting, that those around me now make fun of me for even trying.  But still I persist!  That’s the Tams spirit! 

This time around, I’ve been trying since last Thursday or Friday.  I can’t remember.  I did OK for a couple of days but smoked over the weekend and on Monday of this week.  Yesterday I finished the pack I had around 2 in the afternoon and have had the patch on ever since.  It was not as easy last night as it has been in the past.  In fact, it’s quite a good thing that I have no money for frivolities these days or I probably would have gone out and bought a pack.  The lack of money is a HUGE motivator!  The patch has worked quite well for me in the past.  I have (about 5 years ago) gone about 2 months without smoking with the use of just the patch.  What seems to always get me is going out for drinks.  I can go for a while with no smoking but when I get a couple of cocktails in me, I decide I want to smoke.  Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a failure on the part of the manufacturers of the patch, whomever they may be.  At these times that I am out having a couple of cocktails, I tend to force myself to smoke.  The first one isn’t entirely enjoyable but once I get past it, I’m golden.  Why do I do this?  I cannot know. 

I am frighteningly low on patches right now though.  This will present a problem for me in about 4 days.  The ones I have are left-overs from some other attemt at quitting and are expired.  They expired last October but oddly enough have been working just fine with the exception that they tend to not want to stick for extended periods of time.  In 4 days time, I will have to cave-in and fork over the  money for some new ones which will be one of those things one does with a bad attitude knowing that it is ultimately a good decision.  Who hasn’t had that I ask you! 

I am eager to get the house smelling lovely and un-smokerly.  All I’ll need to do now is rid myself of the big hairy dog and the boy and I will have a clean and aromatic environment with which to live!!  The downsides to this?  I can already feel myself gaining weight.  My jeans are excessively tight today and I blame the lack of smoking rather than the large and unhealthy meals I’ve consumed over the past few days.  I MUST find a way to work some exercise into every day.  Having no job right now, it is excessively easy to sit around all day reading or knitting and neglecting the need to get blood flowing.  One of my favorite all time quotes from a book was from “Fearless Fourteen” and it is from the character Lulu.  She says something to the degree of: she needs to get some doughnuts on account of all the running around they’d been doing.  She needs to keep her blood sugar up or she’ll get dizzy spells.  I love her.  That would have been much better if I could have remembered the exact quote.  I don’t feel I’ve done it justice and I don’t have the book with me right now or I would have looked it up.  Whatever.

I have also as of late, been keeping my attempts at quitting to myself.  Not because I am fearful of being made fun of, this is my life, I’m used to it.  I guess it is because I feel like I’ll be more successful this way.  That shouldn’t make sense but it really does.  I mean, the people in my life that care the most about my quitting and love me the most, are so exhausted with my multiple attempts that they don’t really believe me I think.  I want to prove myself a success at this before I make any announcements.  And since I don’t blog much anymore, no one reads this anymore so I don’t think they’ll know!

Hopefully soon I’ll be able to post again with an update at how I’m doing and it will be a positive one.